January 2011
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Took a mental health day today and went to watch Blue Valentine on a whim. I loved it. It was both emotionally devastating and beautifully honest, exposing the raw realities of “romantic love.” The sublime soundtrack by Grizzly Bear made it even more intimate and nostalgic for me.
It was my first time going to a movie theatre alone and I’ve gotta say it was a most tranquil...
I swear I have neurasthenia. Too bad you can’t get diagnosed with it anymore, at least not in America.
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I was right when I predicted that a vegetarian wouldn’t be able to stand cold turkey.
I killed fifteen minutes off of my life today. (In other words, lessened my time having to coexist with these lousy phonies.)
Bea-u-ti-ful.
But it was lovely sitting alone on a bench in front of Coffee Society and having a staring contest eye sex with a Mr. Mystery X who was also sitting alone on a bench...
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Periodic sighs
I don’t know if I’m unhappy because I’m not free, or if I’m not free because I’m unhappy.
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““So you say you don’t believe in love now, but have you always felt that way?”
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– Charlyne Yi, Paper Heart
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Before too long, she stopped. With a jolt I realized she was finished. It wasn’t that she’d finished wanting to talk: her well of words had just dried up. Scraps of words hung there, suspended in midair. She tried to continue, but nothing came out. Something had been lost. Her lips slightly parted, she looked into my eyes with a vague expression. As if she was trying to make out...
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oh, you’ve got green eyes
oh, you’ve...
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Brain responds to music same way as sex & eating →
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Dense, crushing love. Kneeling, watching the hole, he tried to concentrate on Lee Strunk and the war, all the dangers, but his love was too much for him, he felt paralyzed, and he wanted to sleep inside her lungs and breathe her blood and be smothered. He wanted her to be a virgin and not a virgin, all at once. He wanted to know her. Intimate secrets: Why poetry? Why so sad? Why that grayness in...
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We all need someone to look at us. We can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under. The first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public. The second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes. They are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and...
I talk to you in my head all the time
“Holden, today I subscribed to The New Yorker just so I could have access to Salinger’s archives online. Of course I already own all of your creator’s works, but only in the editions of today’s lousy generation. I must experience them as they were originally published in the ’50s. I know it’s all pretty ironic, but I’d like to believe it’s the best I...
“_____ ,”
– Everytime I’m with you, it’s like white noise. The whole world is drowned out and all I can hear is the sound of my warm and fuzzy heart beating next to yours.
-A love letter I never sent circa 2007.
If there’s one thing I learned from 2010, it’d be to stop trying to discover myself within other people. Unrealistic expectations only lead to disappointments. Disappointments lead to neurotic tendencies. And last night I felt like jumping out a window again. But I changed my mind because it would’ve been such a mediocre way to die. I know it’s the new year and I...
