yearning at the bottom of a well.

1st viewing: locked my door, turned the lights out, climbed into bed, screamed my Groupie-for-Greenwood scream when Jonny appeared, decided right then and there not to give a fuck about anyone else, only to have eyes for Jonny—(but couldn’t resist dancing with Thom every now and then), not waiting for any good-by after Lotus Flower ended— you know, like the feeling you get when you’re about to ______ but you don’t and you feel like the world has just caved in on you.

“Intermission” —> got out my faux leather jacket from my closet so I could feel somewhat closer to Jonny and went outside for 3 smokes while waiting for the torturous, unamusing SNL sketches to be over. 

Radiohead comes back on. Staircase starts. Again, put on my Jonny-only spectacles and ravenously desired that I was Jonny’s guitar (but I guess the unrequited, mindblowing eyesex sufficed). Started to get a little unfaithful to Jonny because I had to sing along with Thom, especially at the “Let me take control / The pot is full of secrets to be told” part but then I felt my heart desperately bleed out with my hot yearning for Jonny when I saw him vibrating his strings—my heartstrings—and then I only had hard, expectant breaths for Jonny once again.

2nd viewing: paid attention to the group as a whole and did some of Colin’s bossanova-esque head bobs and Thom’s running-my-fingers-through-my-hair suaveness and Ed’s hair-eating-face-but-still-looking-pensive-as-fuck impersonations. But naturally was just being the #1 GreenwoodGroupieGirl I am.

At the end, I rewinded like 5x to see if I could catch one last glimpse of Jonny, but of course—being the darkest, most mysterious beautiful one— his back was faced to the camera and elusive Empire State-Ed was blocking him. So of course then I switch off the t.v., go put on my Bends record and listen to Street Spirit (Fade Out) and stare at the ceiling— dreaming, drowning.